ohhhhhhh THIS is the gunch

mountain dew doesn’t feel like a soda you can order at a restaurant. you can’t sit down at a restaurant, ask for a mountain dew, and then sip it out of a glass cup. it’s like you either have to get it at taco bell or you have to get a 2 liter of it and drink it right from the bottle. there are no other options for mountain dew. 

always follow the four g rule .... is it gaudy is it gauche is it grotesque is it godly

bro not the quencies (way of saying consequences if theres something deeply wrong with you)

call me OSHA the way i’m demanding a railing in the workplace

he bildad on my shuhite til i eat human food for the first time and begin to fully understand what true hunger—true want, longing, desire—is like, along with the sense of pure relief that follows sating said hunger, all the while internally slobbering and heaving over a muppety demon during a midnight thunderstorm who pops his p’s on words like ‘nope’ and carries an i-can-do-what-i-want license to raise hell writ upon an ancient scroll

Celestial disasters

Nervously, I pull from the tarot deck. It's the Nine of Clocks. My fate is revealed to me: It's my bedtime, and I gotta go to sleeps

insane that the metatron was like do you want to be supreme archangel and aziraphale was like fuck no. and then the metatron said okay but what if i let you spend eternity with your cute bouncy haired boyfriend looking at the stars.

Crowley shifting into protective husband mode

had a dream Danny Gonzales posted a video with the title "how I tricked the police into arresting me and then escaped prison"

I said what I said 😌💅